Even welcome changes can feel unsettling. Explore practical ways to cope with life transitions, make room for mixed emotions, and find support.
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Change is inevitable and impacts every area of life across a spectrum of intensity. It can include small moments that disrupt usual patterns of life, to sizeable shifts that impact the very way we perceive the world around us. Sometimes change feels exciting and empowering; spurring a hope-filled wonder about our future.
At other times, change feels overwhelmingly challenging; causing us to long deeply for what we had. This time of year change is everywhere; requiring us to adapt to newness and transition all around. Although change is common, us humans struggle with it and may even seek to avoid it.
The psychological bias where the pain of losing something is more intense than the positive emotions connected to gaining something. For example- it causes more distress and pain to lose a friendship, than creating a brand new friendship, brings joy and excitement.
The brain’s habitual nature of remembering and believing facts that fit with what we already think. It can cause us to hang onto things that worked for us in the past without noticing how they don’t work for us anymore.
These are big emotions that can cause us to try and avoid change. We worry about our ability to cope, what will occur through change, and whether the change will be worse than what already exists.
We can overestimate what we have in the present moment because we know what we would be losing through change, but we don’t know what we are gaining. We may get concerned that the tools we have used in our current circumstances will no longer work in the future, and we will be unprepared and unable to respond to those moments.
How we feel about change is impacted not only by what type of change it is, but also by how the change happens.
Consider a time when you experienced change around something you believed in and was something you decided to seek. Now, compare this to a time when you navigated a change that was forced on you and did not align with your values. How did these experiences land differently? How did you respond? How were emotions varied between these types of change? Very likely, change we have control over that is congruent with our beliefs will be experienced vastly different from forced change that is unaligned with our value system.
Regardless of the content and process of change though, the situation itself poses a loss to the way circumstances were. We are required to reckon with and respond to our experiences of grief through transition.
In all beginnings, there is an ending. These endings can be painful. Emotions during change can certainly include anticipation, surprise, enthusiasm, and hope. But, as we realize endings, and experience loss connected to change, we may feel self-doubt, despair, resentment, anger, and stress. Mental health impacts of social isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues can occur. It is critical that we provide opportunities to process the emotions of loss around change, as meaningful ways to cope through the difficulty of transition.
Consider creating a list of small aspects of the change that you can influence and respond to. Focus on these as a way to promote balance amidst emotions of powerlessness during change.
Establish simple, daily life tasks that create consistency and stability amidst change. These can be connected to the change, or something completely different. But, they serve as reminders that things can stay the same despite life change.
Change is uncomfortable and stressful, and the resulting anxiety can cause us to want to hurry up. Try to avoid rushing decision making to get through change faster. Seek small steps and reflect on these.
Through the details, logistics, emotions, psychological impacts, and processing of change…be gentle with yourself. Practice curiosity with your emotions, compassion toward your thoughts and wonder surrounding the future. Remind yourself that connection fosters wellness and seek community to help you through change. If therapeutic support would be useful to nurture your sense of community during change, please reach to Becoming Together staff. We are here for you and walk the path of change alongside you.
